Losing a Friend

By Mary Kitazi

In my childhood era I had a close girl best friend. We were very close and lived in the same

neighborhood. We used to walk together, go to the same church, and share secrets about our lives. She

was not just a friend to me, she was like a sister and family. We met in 2008 when I was still in primary

school and from that time we grew up together.

Our friendship lasted for sixteen years. Sixteen years of memories, laughter, secrets, and growing up

together. I never imagined that such a long friendship would end. I always thought we would continue

being friends no matter what happened.

The first time I felt something was wrong was when she started becoming close to someone who had

been my enemy since childhood. This was someone who never liked me and always showed jealousy

toward me. When I saw them building a friendship I felt uncomfortable and confused. I decided to

approach her and ask about the new friendship. I explained to her that someone who has been your

enemy for a long time cannot suddenly become your friend. An enemy can be another person’s poison.

Someone who has hated you for years can hurt you more than you expect. But instead of understanding

my feelings things between us started changing.

What hurt me the most was when she started sharing secrets we used to tell each other. Private

conversations and personal things we trusted each other with started coming out. The person I trusted

the most became the person who exposed me. That betrayal was very painful for me.

There was a moment I decided to keep distance when she started insulting me. The words she used

were rude and disrespectful. I felt very disappointed. I could not imagine a sixteen-year friendship

ending in that way. I did not argue with her. I did not fight back. I just walked away and went to my

room because I was very emotional. Tears started falling without me planning to cry. I felt hurt

confused and broken inside. At some point she even suggested that we fight physically but I do not

believe in fighting someone who has been your biggest supporter and friend for many years. Instead of

fighting her I chose to walk away.

The past two months after everything ended I was very lonely. I felt the absence deeply. Sometimes I

wanted to talk to her like before but I had to remind myself that things were no longer the same. I tried

to replace her with another friend but I could not trust the same way. I was holding back because I had

already lost trust in someone I believed would never hurt me. With time I realized that I needed to focus

on myself first. I needed to put my mental health in order before trying to build another deep friendship.

I learned that not every long-term friendship is meant to last forever. Some friendships are for a season

and some teach you lessons.

After everything that happened, I did not heal immediately. The pain of losing a sixteen-year friendship

stayed with me. I was still thinking about the past, the memories and asking myself many questions. At

the same time, I was trying to accept that things had already ended. During that period of healing I met

a new friend. It was not something I planned. It just happened naturally. We started talking slowly not

too deep at first. I was careful because I was still healing and I did not want to go through the same pain

again. I had already lost trust in friendship so opening up again was not easy for me.

This new friendship felt different. There was no pressure. No forcing things. Just simple conversations,

understanding, and respect. I did not share everything at once like I used to before. I took my time. Iallowed myself to observe and understand the kind of person she was. While building this new

friendship I was also healing from the past one. Healing for me was not about forgetting. It was about

accepting what happened and learning from it. I allowed myself to feel the pain instead of hiding it.

Some days I was okay and some days I still felt hurt. But I kept going. I started focusing more on myself. I

gave myself time to think and to understand that not everyone will hurt me the same way. I learned that

trust should be built slowly, not given all at once.

My new friend did not replace my old friend. Instead she showed me that healthy friendship still exists.

She showed me that friendship can be calm, respectful and honest without fear. That helped me heal

little by little. I also realized that healing is a process. It does not happen in one day. It takes time,

patience, and self-understanding. Even though I was hurt by someone I trusted for sixteen years I did

not allow that pain to completely close my heart. I chose to be careful but not bitter.

Sixteen years taught me about love and connection but losing that friendship taught me about

boundaries, respect and protecting my peace. Sometimes people grow together and sometimes they

grow apart. And sometimes losing someone is the lesson you never expected but needed.

I chose to grow not stay broken. And slowly I started finding peace again.