When I Finally Chose Me

In 2020, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, I experienced one of the darkest seasons of my
life. The world was already full of fear and uncertainty, but for me, it went beyond that, the pain became
deeply personal. I was lost, numb, and overwhelmed. I was going through a heartbreak that shattered
my sense of self, and before I could even catch my breath, I lost someone I dearly loved: my favorite
uncle.
It all began with my partner. At first, I was drawn to his presence; he made me feel seen, wanted, and
valued. I thought I had finally found someone who understood me. But as time went on, that feeling
faded. I found myself in a relationship where I constantly felt unloved and ignored.
I gave him my best, my time, my energy, and my heart, hoping it would be enough. But it seemed I gave
more than I should have, and still, I felt unseen. There was no peace, no respect, and no appreciation. I
tried to stay, believing that love could fix things. But deep down, I was only hurting myself. In the end, I
had no choice but to face reality: love without respect isn’t love at all. I chose to walk away, even though
my heart still hoped for something different.
While trying to heal and gather the pieces of my broken heart, I was hit with another blow, the passing
of my favorite uncle. He wasn’t just family; he was like a second father to me and also a mentor. He was
kind, full of wisdom, and always so joyful. Losing him felt like the ground beneath me had crumbled. I
was grieving two kinds of loss at the same time: the end of a relationship and the death of someone
who had always made me feel safe and loved.
Emotionally, I was drowning. I didn’t know how to handle it all.
Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. My sister became my anchor during that storm. She stood by me every step
of the way listening without judgment, holding space for my pain, and reminding me of something I’ll
never forget:
“Never force someone to love you when there is no respect.”
Her words stayed with me.
She kept checking on me constantly, even when I had nothing to say. She gave me space to cry, to talk,
to sit in silence, and slowly begin to accept what had happened. Some days were heavy, others lighter.
But she never gave up on me. I remember how she would stay up late just to check in on me, even when
I pretended to be okay. She took me out on quiet walks, gently speaking truth into my life, reminding
me of who I was before the pain, and who I could still become.
Her strength became my strength.
With time, I learned how to let go. And in that letting go, I began to rediscover myself. The pain didn’t
disappear overnight, but little by little, it loosened its grip. And then, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a
long, long time freedom.
The kind of freedom that doesn’t come from forgetting…
But from finally letting go.
What I Learned from My Past Relationship?
Trust your instincts. Don’t ignore red flags just because you want the relationship to work.
Self-care and independence are not selfish, they’re necessary.
Your peace of mind is priceless. No relationship is worth losing yourself over.
Advice to Anyone Stuck in a Disrespectful Relationship?
Please don’t forget yourself while loving someone else too much.
You deserve someone who isn’t okay with losing you.
Don’t be afraid to let go. it’s not weakness, it’s strength.
Never allow someone to be your priority while making yourself an option.
Choose peace. Choose you.
“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love.”
~ Osho

By Mary Kitazi