How to Hold Social Media Loosely (and Still Be Online)
By Alstair Wamaitha- Therapist, human, recovering scroller, lover of slow mornings
Lately, I’ve found myself craving a slower, simpler way of being. I picture myself in shagz, where the internet is patchy at best, growing my own food, surrounded by lots of greenery, taking fat afternoon naps and letting the day unfold without the constant buzz of notifications. You know that thing of, when the student is ready, the teacher arrives? I’ve found myself drawn to creators like Makori Moraa (https://youtu.be/YITxg-wVM7k?si=odADZ4VLOoCkjrxS) and the YouTube and TikTok algorithms brought me to others who share gentle vlogs of rural Kenyan life. They reminded me that real beauty and peace often live in those soft, unplugged moments we so easily miss.
Watching them stirred something in me. When I sat with the need these videos were meeting, I realized: they were pointing me toward a life that doesn’t need Wi-Fi to feel whole. This is what success and achievement now feel like to me- deep presence, organic joy, a full life offline. So when The Artistic Psychologist invited me to write this piece, it felt like alignment.
To be honest, the subject of social media has always been a social dilemma (pun intended, watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix if you haven’t). The average person will spend about 6–7 years of their life on social media. That’s entire seasons of sunlight, friendships, movement, books, tears, rest, touch and breath, traded for a feed that The Social Dilemma taught me we mostly don’t control. At the same time, social media is also a tool that’s bred a lot of employment, creativity and connection. I say connection loosely, because how are we the most “connected” generation in history and yet the loneliest too. Scrolling because we’re so inspired by someone’s life and storytelling, but also risking the possibility of comparison and disengagement from our own lives, short attention spans, overstimulation, numbing or avoidance of our own realities, emotions and thoughts.
Let’s pause here…
How do you feel when your phone is almost out of charge or the power goes out unexpectedly and you’re on 3%? What rises in you first? Panic? Irritability? A strange emptiness? Maybe even… relief? That reaction tells a deeper story. It’s not just boredom. It’s your body’s way of saying: this screen isn’t just a practical tool anymore; it’s tangled up in your nervous system, your emotions, your attention span, your sense of self.
Maybe your phone may not die nor your power go out but what are you really reaching for the tenth time you’ve opened that app today? What are you truly seeking? And what might you be avoiding?
A Brief History (That Might Explain Why You Feel This Way)
Social media as we know it is barely two decades old.
It began with MySpace and Hi5, where people shared glittery profile pages and song playlists.
Then came Facebook in 2004, Twitter in 2006, Instagram in 2010 and TikTok in the late 2010s (which exploded during the pandemic).
Most of us either grew up with social media or were born into it without any roadmap for how this much access, stimulation and visibility might affect our mental health, our relationships or our capacity for stillness.
Just like previous generations had to navigate their own firsts; say colonialism, capitalism or industrialization, we’re the first to emotionally and logistically figure out this digital-first way of being. The burden of being a first. We’re the case study. Maybe history will judge us kindly. Maybe we’ll be known for our slouched postures and screen fatigue. Either way this goes, be gentle with yourself. it’s your first time and the first time this is having to be dealt with. You don’t fix anything by being harsh with yourself.
The fact that you’re even asking questions and reading this article so far already puts you ahead. We may not have all the answers, but we’re trying.
The Need to Untangle (But Not Disconnect)
Something else I love about the rural content I’ve been consuming is how it mirrors a pattern in healing I deeply believe in:
Healing as remembering (what life felt like before our worth was tied to metrics or what our ancestor’s lives whose looked like before social media)
Healing as integration (accepting that social media is here to stay and learning to live well with it)
We don’t need to demonize social media to have an honest conversation about its effects. We can learn to work with it, not against it because social media isn’t inherently harmful, unboundaried use is.
We need to start noticing:
What helps me (and many of my clients) is learning to hold social media loosely like a tool, not a lifeline.
Practical Ways to Use Social Media Loosely
1. Be a mindful creator, not just a consumer
Let it be a diary, not a display. Share art. Document joy. But let it be for you. Not for the algorithm or an audience.
2. Pause with intention
Ask, “How do I feel right now?” before opening the app.
If it’s anxiety or boredom, explore the emotion and try an alternative way to soothe or process.
Before posting, ask: Am I seeking connection or validation? Do I want to share or need to be seen? This builds self-awareness around your intent and helps you actually meet your needs.
3. Time gently
Limit your daily use to 30–60 minutes (research supports this for mental wellbeing).
Try screen-free time blocks for example; during meals, work, walks, bedtime.
Use an alarm clock. Charge your phone outside the bedroom.
4. Curate ruthlessly
If it triggers comparison, inadequacy, overstimulation, anxiety, mute or unfollow.
Your feed should feel like home.
5. Live mindfully
Put the phone down when you eat. Chew slowly. Notice the texture and flavors of your food. Go for a walk without earphones. Observe your surroundings. Feel things in real time.
Touch grass. Barefoot. Put your phone away the next time you’re hanging out with your loved one. Look them in the eye. Notice details about them you’ve never seen. Name how it makes you feel to interact with them.
6. Practice delayed gratification
Not everything needs to be posted. Sometimes, the moment is enough.
The impulse to reach your phone to consume can wait too and that pause might give you more than scrolling ever could.
7. Mindful rest ≠ glorified scrolling
What type of rest do you need? Practice social and sensory rest by taking a social media rest. Scrolling is not self-care or true rest. Your soul needs stillness. Your brain needs silence.
8. Regulate yourself especially if you’re a parent or aspiring parent
There’s a lot of talk about kids and screen time. But kids learn most through modelling. They watch you. Your regulation teaches theirs. Allow yourself to be bored. Don’t rush to fill every quiet moment with your phone. Boredom isn’t bad it’s where creativity, insight and rest begin.
9. Dopamine detox / fast
Take a break from overstimulating activities like scrolling, binge-watching, or excessive multitasking. Let your brain recalibrate its reward system so you can enjoy slower, more meaningful experiences again.
10. Turn off push notifications
Reduce the urge to constantly check your phone by turning off alerts for apps that aren’t urgent or necessary.
11. Digital Sabbath
My personal favorite. Dedicate one day a week (or even a few hours) with zero screen time to reconnect with yourself, nature, spirituality or loved ones.
12. Replace scroll time with something else
Instead of just cutting down, replace it with joy. Stretch, draw, go outside, call a friend, dance, listen to a podcast. Anything that makes you feel alive. These are natural, sustainable ways of getting dopamine.
13. Create no-phone zones or times
Keep your phone out of your bedroom (another personal favorite of mine. charge it in another room, get a manual alarm clock and watch yourself not needing it as your circadian rhythm resets), off the table during meals, or away during the first and last hour of your day.
14. Journaling after scrolling
Reflect on how you felt before, during, and after a scroll session. Patterns will start to emerge; what drains you, what energizes you, what triggers you. This will help you define your digital boundaries and show up online how you want to show up.
A Permission Slip for You
This isn’t a call to disappear from the internet. It’s an invitation to recalibrate your relationship with it. To begin using it more mindfully. With intention. With presence. With permission to log off and live.
Because life- real, breathing, feeling, sometimes boring life is still happening all around you.
Try: A social media break this weekend. Notice how your mind feels. Return slowly, if at all.
Watch: The Social Dilemma & https://youtu.be/YITxg-wVM7k?si=odADZ4VLOoCkjrxS
Reflect: What did you enjoy before social media became your default? Do a little of that today.
With presence,
Alstair Wamaitha
Therapist, human, recovering scroller, lover of freedom and slow mornings